One of the first people I met at Stony Brook was a kid I\u2019ll call Avi. We met at orientation, became friends, and for two years were even suite mates. At the time, he was just another college friend. It wasn\u2019t until much later\u2014long after graduation\u2014that I understood what the real dynamic was. Avi was deeply competitive with friends and quietly jealous of other people\u2019s progress. Back then, I didn\u2019t have the language for it. Years later, I did: narcissism.<\/p>\n
After college, our lives went in different directions. I went on to law school. Avi took five years to graduate and eventually became a teacher. Years later, we reconnected on Facebook, and that\u2019s when everything crystallized. Every positive post I shared was met with a jab. Why didn\u2019t my kids go to Hebrew day school? Why didn\u2019t we keep kosher? With narcissists, nothing exists in a vacuum. Everything is filtered through their own insecurities. They don\u2019t celebrate others; they measure themselves against them.<\/p>\n
When political disagreements surfaced, things escalated. And instead of getting past political differences, Avi did what narcissists often do when challenged\u2014he defriended me. It was abrupt, petty, and revealing. Years later, he tried to reconnect, but I declined. I didn\u2019t need that energy in my life. Cutting off negativity isn\u2019t bitterness; it\u2019s clarity.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve spoken openly about my own struggles working at law firms. For a long time, I thought partnership was the ultimate goal. Eventually, I realized it wasn\u2019t for me\u2014unless I built my own firm. And that realization brought peace.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the contrast that matters. My wife has been at her firm for three years, and she recently became a partner. I\u2019m incredibly proud of her. Truly happy for her\u2014maybe even happier than she is. It wasn\u2019t my path, but it was hers.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s graciousness. Understanding that someone else\u2019s success isn\u2019t a verdict on your own life. Narcissists can\u2019t do that. But the rest of us can choose better.<\/p>\n
<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" One of the first people I met at Stony Brook was a kid I\u2019ll call Avi. We met at orientation, became friends, and for two years were even suite mates. At the time, he was just another college friend. It … Continue reading